{"id":160,"date":"2023-04-12T12:08:41","date_gmt":"2023-04-12T12:08:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/?p=160"},"modified":"2023-04-12T12:08:41","modified_gmt":"2023-04-12T12:08:41","slug":"nova","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/yazi\/nova\/","title":{"rendered":"NOVA"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cBi\u2019 an, delirmedim de belki karard\u0131m, karard\u0131m<\/em>
\nVe istedim ki herkes a\u011flas\u0131n<\/em>
\n\u00d6yle \u00f6zledim, can\u0131m yand\u0131<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

So\u011fuk, pus ve ayaz.<\/p>\n

S\u0131radan bir aral\u0131k g\u00fcn\u00fc. Hava t\u00fcm h\u0131z\u0131yla karar\u0131yor, insanlar topyek\u00fcn bir ke\u015fmeke\u015f i\u00e7in alelacele yol al\u0131yor, bu kan dondurucu Ankara caddelerinde. Bense aksine yava\u015f yava\u015f y\u00fcr\u00fcyorum so\u011fu\u011fun iliklerime i\u015flemesine ald\u0131rmadan. Kula\u011f\u0131mda Nova Norda \u00e7al\u0131yor bak yine. Hani demi\u015ftin ya \u201c Fazla anlaml\u0131.\u2019\u2019 diye \u015fimdi anlayabiliyorum.<\/p>\n

\u201cYa ben nas\u0131l kabulleneyim<\/em>
\nYu d\u00fcnya \u00f6yle bi\u2019 giderken a\u011fr\u0131ma?<\/em>
\nya biz yan\u0131p da s\u00f6nmeye, zamans\u0131z \u00f6lmeye mi geldik d\u00fcnyaya?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Kalabal\u0131k caddelerin i\u00e7inden -defalarca ge\u00e7ti\u011fim her yerinde ayak izlerim olan caddelerde- . Saatlerce y\u00fcr\u00fcyorum ama\u00e7s\u0131zca. En son caddelerden s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131p hi\u00e7 bilmedi\u011fim sokaklara sap\u0131yorum. Etraf art\u0131k iyice sessizli\u011fe\u00a0 b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f ve sadece c\u0131l\u0131z, titrek sokak lambalar\u0131n\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 ayd\u0131nlat\u0131yor soka\u011f\u0131. Aralar\u0131nda neredeyse hi\u00e7 mesafe olmayan dip dibe binalara bakarak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelere saplan\u0131yorum iyice. Birka\u00e7 tanesi hari\u00e7 hi\u00e7birinin \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yanm\u0131yordu. Kim bilir o evlerin s\u00f6yleyecek ne \u00e7ok \u015feyi vard\u0131r, nelere \u015fahit olmu\u015ftur; ne ac\u0131lara ne heyecanlara.. Hi\u00e7 bilmedi\u011fim yerlerde y\u00fcr\u00fcmenin o tuhaf hissini, bana \u00f6zg\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm gibi hissettiren, uzaklara dald\u0131ran, hayal kurdurtan, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcren o hissi iliklerime dek y\u00fcr\u00fcyerek ya\u015f\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n

Sessizlik, karanl\u0131k, so\u011fuk, m\u00fczik ve sen.<\/p>\n

K A Y B O L U Y O R U M<\/p>\n

Karanl\u0131k, sen, sokak lambas\u0131\u2026 Her \u015fey ama her \u015fey beni karanl\u0131\u011fa \u00e7ekiyor, dal\u0131yorum en dibe \u00e7\u0131km\u0131yorum, \u00e7\u0131kam\u0131yorum tuhaf bir \u015fekilde haz duyuyorum bu ac\u0131dan. Cebimden, son birka\u00e7 tane kalm\u0131\u015f marlboro\u2019lardan al\u0131yorum bir tane.Yakam\u0131yorum \u00e7akma\u011f\u0131 ellerim buz gibi. Birka\u00e7 denemeden sonra yak\u0131yorum. \u0130\u00e7ime \u00e7ekiyorum uzun uzun ve bo\u011faz\u0131m\u0131 yak\u0131yor \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fcyorum. Duman yava\u015f yava\u015f havaya kar\u0131\u015f\u0131p uzakla\u015f\u0131rken, i\u00e7imdeki sisli, bu\u011fulu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler bir bir zihnime \u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm duvardan d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor. \u00d6zg\u00fcr b\u0131rak\u0131yorum her \u015feyi\u2026<\/p>\n

Sisli d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin esaretinden kurtulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken ya\u011fmur at\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yor yava\u015ftan ve \u00fc\u00e7 d\u00f6rt metre ilerde \u00e7\u00f6p konteyn\u0131r\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131ndan siyah, tatl\u0131 bi kedi \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor \u00f6n\u00fcme. G\u00fczel bir hat\u0131ray\u0131 an\u0131msam\u0131\u015f gibi tebess\u00fcm ettim kedici\u011fe.Yan\u0131na gidip ok\u015fayas\u0131m geliyor ama sonra vazge\u00e7iyorum ellerim buz gibi\u2026<\/p>\n

Ne zamana kadar tutsak kalaca\u011f\u0131m burada? Bu \u015fehir! Kurtulam\u0131yorum beni \u00e7ek \u00e7\u0131kar ve al! Ne kadar daha dayanabilirim? Ne kadar daha s\u00fcrecek bu i\u015fkence? Ayn\u0131 ac\u0131lar\u0131 ya\u015fayan insanlar birbirlerinden bihaber nas\u0131l hissedebiliyorlar ilk bak\u0131\u015fta o hissi… Bak\u0131\u015fa gerek kalmadan nas\u0131l hissetmi\u015ftim peki ben? Neden hissettim ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, neden sana uzak olan ben ve bana t\u2019uzak olan sen bana bunlar\u0131 fark\u0131nda olmadan hissettirdi? Yak\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131n hissedemedi\u011fi, anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131, g\u00f6remedi\u011fi \u015feyi neden ben hissettim anlad\u0131m?.. Sende ne var beni sana \u00e7eken \u00e7\u00f6zemiyorum, \u00e7\u00f6zemiyorum bir d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm bu!<\/p>\n

\u201cBi\u2019 \u015feyler ya\u015fad\u0131n, bi ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131n var. Do\u011fru muyum? \u00c7ok \u015fey ya\u015fad\u0131n ama bunlar\u0131 hi\u00e7 kimseye yans\u0131tm\u0131yorsun, ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131s\u0131n da bu konuda ama senin gibi bi\u2019 \u015feyler ya\u015fayan insanlar; seni g\u00f6rmese de tan\u0131masa da hisseder.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cEvet, hakl\u0131s\u0131n ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m var ve bunu sadece senin gibi bir \u015feyler ya\u015fayanlar hisseder.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Belki de t\u00fcm bunlar sadece basit bir yan\u0131lsama. Kuzey y\u0131ld\u0131z\u0131m de\u011fildin sen. Ben \u00f6yle sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m buna inanmak istiyordum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc parlakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc kama\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131 ve gitgide b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcn g\u00f6z\u00fcmde, bana ba\u015fka bir y\u0131ld\u0131z olarak g\u00f6z\u00fckt\u00fcn. Seni Kuzey Y\u0131ld\u0131z\u2019\u0131m sand\u0131m ama sen Nova<\/em>\u2019s\u0131n.<\/p>\n

\u201cBilmedi\u011fim derinleri<\/em>
\nKalbime b\u00fcy\u00fck gelir bunun nedeni\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cSana, beni hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mam\u0131\u015f olan sana\u201d diye ba\u015fl\u0131yordu Bilinmeyen Bir Kad\u0131n\u0131n Mektubu\u2019nda. Evet sen de beni asla tan\u0131mayacaks\u0131n tan\u0131mad\u0131n da g\u00f6rmedin de ben de tan\u0131mad\u0131m. Kendini ba\u015fka bi\u2019 \u015feyle avuttun avunmak istiyordun, kap\u0131lmak istiyordun a\u015fka bu y\u00fczden ger\u00e7ekleri de\u011fil kendi g\u00f6rmek istediklerini g\u00f6rd\u00fcn. Seninki de sadece sanr\u0131yd\u0131 ve dayanamad\u0131n ka\u00e7t\u0131n ama ben ka\u00e7am\u0131yorum gidiyorum. Asla \u201cbiz\u2019\u2019 olamasak da \u2018iz\u2019 b\u0131rakt\u0131n bende.<\/p>\n

Bir g\u00fcn, rengini bile bilmedi\u011fim g\u00f6zlerin de\u011ferse bu sat\u0131rlara, ya\u015fanm\u0131\u015f eski bir \u015fey gibi an\u0131msamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015facaks\u0131n akl\u0131na gelecek ve hayal meyal hat\u0131rlayacaks\u0131n belki. Sonra da yok olacak s\u00f6necek t\u0131pk\u0131 \u015fu an sigaram\u0131n kendi kendine s\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc gibi ve bilinmeyen kad\u0131nlar\u0131n mektuplar\u0131 gibi.<\/p>\n

Son sigaram\u0131 da yak\u0131p kimsesiz, yaln\u0131z evime do\u011fru yol al\u0131yorum daha \u00e7ok kaybolmadan bu \u015fehirde.Ve saatlerdir d\u00f6ng\u00fcde olan \u015fark\u0131y\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftiriyorum. Nova\u2019n\u0131n Kuzeye Ka\u00e7\u2019\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131yorum.Bu \u015fehir bu gece bi\u2019 ba\u015fka ve ben yaln\u0131z de\u011filim y\u0131ld\u0131zlar da bana e\u015flik ediyor. \u015eark\u0131n\u0131n verdi\u011fi enerjiyle histerik bir kahkaha at\u0131yorum.Ve ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yorum, sesim sokaklarda yank\u0131lan\u0131yor:<\/p>\n

Kuzey\u2019ini bul ve Kuzey\u2019e ka\u00e7!<\/em><\/p>\n

Zeynep Y\u0131lmaz<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cBi\u2019 an, delirmedim de belki karard\u0131m, karard\u0131m Ve istedim ki herkes a\u011flas\u0131n \u00d6yle \u00f6zledim, can\u0131m yand\u0131\u201d So\u011fuk, pus ve ayaz. S\u0131radan bir aral\u0131k g\u00fcn\u00fc. Hava t\u00fcm h\u0131z\u0131yla karar\u0131yor, insanlar topyek\u00fcn bir ke\u015fmeke\u015f i\u00e7in alelacele yol al\u0131yor, bu kan dondurucu Ankara caddelerinde. Bense aksine yava\u015f yava\u015f y\u00fcr\u00fcyorum so\u011fu\u011fun iliklerime i\u015flemesine ald\u0131rmadan. Kula\u011f\u0131mda Nova Norda \u00e7al\u0131yor bak […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"chat","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[47,53],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-chat","hentry","category-yazi","category-zeynep-yilmaz","post_format-post-format-chat"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/160","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=160"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/160\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":161,"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/160\/revisions\/161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=160"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=160"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tefanidergi.org\/tr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=160"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}